Every little nerdling and geeklet growing up in the 90's anxiously kept an eye out for owls in the sky around their 10th and 11th birthdays, waiting for a letter to Hogwarts. I know I did, even though to this day, I have never seen an owl in real life. Harry Potter meant so much to every quirky kid, hoping that our passion for weird things meant that we were secretly wizards and that we'd find our place among other similarly strange kids.
That was in the days before Google Maps, though, and I can only assume the Ministry of Magic got my address wrong. I unfortunately had to settle for Engineering school, where instead of Alchemy, I studied Algorithms; instead of Transfiguration, I studied Chemistry; instead of Divination, I studied Probability; instead of History of Magic, I studied CS101 (or, as it was called at my school, 6.01).
As it turns out, though, Engineering School has a lot of similarities to Hogwarts. You learn to create new things and to solve the impossible. In fact, every Hogwarts house has a programming language that matches it.
Oh you may not think I'm pretty,
But don't judge on what you see,
I'll eat myself if you can find
A smarter hat than me.
You can keep your bowlers black,
Your top hats sleek and tall,
For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat
And I can cap them all.
You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart;
You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true
And unafraid of toil;
Golang is a fan of doing things right, even without recognition. A newer programming language, it breaks from tradition by forcing programmers to recognize errors and handle them appropriately. Although it might face criticism from others, or see its power and strength ignored, Golang doesn't do it for fame or for praise. Golang believes in doing what is right, because it makes programs safer and better for their users.
Hufflepuffs are not afraid of the extra error handling that comes with programming with Golang. They own up to their errors, and make sure to always make up for them. There is no nil that goes unchecked, or type error that goes unresolved. This willingness to go the extra mile for the people that may some day use their program makes Golang the language of choice for Hufflepuffs developing their plastic recycling apps, or their not-for-profit blockchain payment platforms.
Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
if you've a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind;
Lisp is famous for being...kind of weird. Like Luna Lovegood, understanding Lisp requires an incredibly adept mind open to thinking in new ways. It might break your brain at first, but the deeper you sink into the logic and beauty of functional programming, the more you stare in wonder at the single line of code that requires five files in other, lesser programming languages.
Ravenclaws excel at using the subtle and difficult skills of functional programming. They are not concerned with being easy to understand; they love stretching the boundaries of what is possible with the mind, of creating beautiful algorithms that operate in sublinear time, of minimizing memory usage - even if more simple minds have a hard time understanding their cleverness and genius.
Or perhaps in Slytherin
You'll make your real friends,
Those cunning folks use any means
To achieve their ends.
Slytherin...Python. Does this even need an explanation?
Aside from their anguine names, Python is the language of choice for those that will use any means to reach their goals. From simple scripting to powerful libraries and capabilities, Python allows its users to achieve their ends in any way possible, regardless of how they are implemented.
Python is the language of choice for everyone from hobbyists to production scale projects. The goal of the project is to produce an answer by any means possible, and Slytherins excel at implementing their projects with Python's simple syntax, importing the answer, or anything else.
So put me on! Don't be afraid!
And don't get in a flap!
You're in safe hands (though I have none)
For I'm a Thinking Cap!"